Stay tuned

Dad informed me a week or so ago that he wanted to add Sports View to our cable package.  He had it several years ago and gave it up because he said he didn't watch it.  Now that he's slowing down physically, he figures he won't be doing as much yard work so he needs something to watch on tv.

Adding Sports View meant adding a cable box and that meant a trip to the cable office.  I put it off for about a week, but finally went on Thursday.  I was surprised to see that they'd removed the plexiglass barrier between the customer service reps and the public.  Now I could actually get my hands around the neck of the rep if he irritated me too much. 

The young man was surprisingly pleasant.  He even told me that I was on their old pricing structure and that he'd switch me to their new pricing structure which would mean that even after adding the box and Sports View, I'd be paying less.  I found that confusing, but could never pin him down as to why their old pricing structure was more than their new pricing structure.  I did confirm that I was not committing to continuing the service for a specified period of time.  I've been with them for years, but I occasionally toy with the idea of switching to satellite.

Dad would love to switch to satellite, but I've resisted so far.  I know how cable works.  I have no desire to make television viewing a confusing experience, which is what will happen if I have to learn how to work a new remote.

I didn't hook up the cable box that night.  I was tired and that's a project best undertaken when I'm fresh and my brain and patience are still functioning at their top levels.  Dad assured me that there was no sporting event on that night that he couldn't live without seeing.  In fact, he said it would be okay if it took me a couple of days to get around to hooking up the box. 

I left the cable box sitting on the couch in the den.  Dad did request a new copy of the tv line-up, which I gave him.  Friday night he came into my study, tv line-up in hand and demanded to know, "How does this thing work?"  "How does what thing work?" I asked, confused.  "Well I've been trying to get all these channels and there's nothing there," he said with disgust.

"That's probably because the cable box is still sitting on the couch.  I haven't connected it yet," I told him.  "You said it was okay to wait a couple of days and it's on my list of things to do tomorrow."  He got a sheepish look on his face.  "I guess I'm getting a little senile in my old age.  Just forget I said anything."  Okay.

When I got ready to hook everything up, I discovered that I needed a power strip with at least an 8-ft. cord.  That required a trip to Lowes.  After I hooked everything up, I had to call the cable company's 800 number so that could send a signal to the box. 

First I had to go through an extended conversation with a woman who sounded like she was in India.  The box would only get 3 channels.  She wanted to reprogram the remote.  I pointed out that if I could only get 3 channesl whether I tried to tune the tv via the remote or the box, then obviously the problem wasn't with the remote.  She finally sent the signal to reset the box and everything was good.

That left me the job of explaining how everything worked to Dad.  He'll have to use the tv remote to turn the tv on and off and adjust the volume.  The cable remote will turn the channels.  If he accidentally tries to turn the channels with the tv remote, he'll wind up getting nothing.  The tv has to be set on channel 3.  If he hits any buttons other than the power button and the channel selection buttons on the remote, and there are many other buttons, I have no idea what will happen, but I'm sure it won't be anything good and will probably involve me having another extended conversation with someone else in India.

I explained all of this to Dad and left him to it.  Shortly thereafter, he appeared in my study.  "This remote won't work," he informed me.  "What do you mean it won't work?" I asked.  "You said I was supposed to use this remote to adjust the volume and turn the tv on and off, but it won't do that."  I went out to his room, pointed the remote at the tv, and adjusted the volume.  "It wouldn't do it for me," he said grumpily.  "Well where were you when you tried to use it?" I asked. 

He sat down in his chair, held the remote in his lap, and attempted to adjust the volume.  Nothing happened.  "You have to point the remote at the tv," I instructed.  "You can't just wave it in the general direction."  Apparently when I was hooking up the tv, I must not have positioned it back at exactly the same angle, so his aim was off.  I told him it would be good exercise to lift his arm and point the remote at the tv.  He didn't go for that idea, so I moved the tv a bit and that seemed to get things working again.

He came  into my room again later that evening.  I braced myself for the next operational error.  "I just wanted to let you know that I remembered everything you said and I was able to watch what I wanted," he informed me.  "Good.  I wondered if I needed to write it down," I answered. 

Last time we had a cable box, he had a habit of trying to use the tv remote to turn the channel and having to come and get me because he couldn't get anything after he turned the tv away from channel 3.  I'm waiting.  It's bound to happen again.  Which is precisely why I don't get satellite.  No point in both of us being incapable of operating the tv.